


Life You Gave Me

by christinawithav, U_know_u_luv_me_99



Series: Life You Gave Me [1]
Category: Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types, Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare, Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Canon Divergence, M/M, Simon sides with the vampires, post 1X12
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-17
Updated: 2017-09-27
Packaged: 2018-06-02 19:29:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 4,626
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6579382
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/christinawithav/pseuds/christinawithav, https://archiveofourown.org/users/U_know_u_luv_me_99/pseuds/U_know_u_luv_me_99
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What if Simon didn't side with Clary after all? How would things have changed?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

“No,” Simon said.

 

“What?” Clary asked, shocked. “Simon, come on. We have to wake up my Mom. This is the only way.”

 

“Camille is a crazy bitch. It’s not happening,” Simon said, crossing his arms in front of his chest.

 

“I know you don’t want to talk to her after she turned you into a vampire, and I get it, but you don’t have to. Just help me and the others get her out and then you can leave,” Clary pleaded.

 

“Camille didn’t turn me into a vampire,” Simon said. “You did. And I used to hate you for it, but now I understand why you did it, and I’ve made my peace. But you can’t get mad at me for being what you made me.”

 

“What are you talking about?” Clary asked. Simon could see confusion, sadness, and a hint of fear in her eyes, but he didn’t care anymore.

 

“You’re my best friend, Clary, but you’re mortal. I eighty years or less, you will die. All I will have left is Raphael and the vampires at Hotel Dumort. You’re asking me to betray them. They’ve done so much for me since the change. They’ve given me a home and a family after you took mine away from me. You’re not just asking for a favour. You’re asking me to spend the rest of eternity alone. Not even you are worth that.”

 

Simon turned away from his best friend and began to leave the institute, ignoring her cries and Isabelle’s protests. Neither of them mattered anymore. It had taken a while, but he finally knew where his loyalties lied.

 

 

 

Simon knew where Raphael would be. He had come to realise that he always knew where Raphael would be. He wondered if that was some weird vampire sense thing or if it was special to the two of them. Raphael was in his bedroom, standing in front of the mirror when Simon came in.

 

“Baby,” Raphael greeted, and Simon felt a shiver run down his spine at the name. “There you are. How was the wedding? You look great in my suit.” Simon smiled, but Raphael could see that something was wrong. He sat down on the bed without a word and waited for Simon to speak.

 

“Camille has the book of white,” Simon began and Raphael stiffened at the name. “Clary needs it to wake up her mom. She plans to break Camille out of here.”

 

Raphael was still for a long time before he stood up and approached the fledgling. “Why are you telling me this?” he asked. Simon frowned.

 

“So you can stop her,” he said.

 

“You’re not going to help you’re little Shadowhunter friend, then?” Raphael asked, and Simon felt guilty even though he didn’t think he had done anything wrong.

 

“No,” is all he said as an answer. Raphael seemed to accept it though as he smiled softly at Simon.

 

“Welcome to the family, Baby,” he said in a whisper, and Simon smiled brightly back at him.


	2. Chapter 2

Raphael practically pushed Simon through the corridors of the hotel. Simon felt warmth flood through his chest whenever he saw the pride on the older vampire’s face. When Raphael dragged Simon into the main room, the rest of the hotel’s inhabitants seemed to be there already.

 

“Our fledgling has proven himself!” Raphael’s voice boomed through the room. “And tonight we celebrate.” The vampires cheered and Simon’s heart soared when he saw that their smiles were directed at him.

 

“Why are they so happy?” Simon whispered to Raphael.

 

“Because they heard what you said,” Raphael told him. “And they’re proud of you for accepting who you are. As am I.”

 

“Yeah, well. I figured if I’m going to live forever I might as well make some lifelong friends,” Simon said it with a smile, jokingly, but when Raphael looked at him affectionately his heart froze up. Or he’s sure it would have if it had been beating in the first place.

 

“That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you.” Their eyes met and Simon opened his mouth to say something, he didn’t know what, when his phone buzzed in his pocket. He pulled away reluctantly and answered the call.

 

“Hello?”

 

“Simon? It’s Alec. I got your number from Izzy’s phone.”

 

“Why are you calling me?” Simon asked shocked. He looked at Raphael who looked equally as confused. Simon had though that Alec hated him so this was the last thing he had expected.

 

“Because it seems that Clary, Jace, and Izzy have decided that they’re going to free Camille with or without your help,” Alec said, his voice tense.

 

Raphael stiffened and the two vampires looked at each other in horror. “When?” Raphael growled.

 

“When?” Simon repeated for Alec to hear.

 

“They already left,” Alec said. Raphael stormed off, calling on the other vampires, who had been chatting and partying, for help.

 

“Why are you helping us?” Simon asked.

 

“Because I won’t have my family breaking the accords. Clary created the alliance with the vampires, I won’t have her breaking it as well. Not even for the Book of White.” Alec hung up before Simon could respond.

 

“Goddamnit, Clary. What have you done?”


	3. Chapter 3

Simon raced down the stairs to the basement where they were keeping Camille. Raphael and about twenty other vampires were already standing there, ready to fight. Raphael growled at the intruder but relaxed when he realised it was Simon. He gestured for Simon to come and stand next to him and after a minute of hesitation Simon did.

 

“Any sign of them?” he asked.

 

“No,” Raphael said shortly and Simon would have been offended if he couldn’t see how angry Raphael was. He touched his arm gently in a way that he hoped was comforting before turning forward and waiting for the shadowhunters to arrive.

 

They didn’t have to wait long. Jace led the trio with Clary in the middle and Izzy taking the rear. They were covered with silence runes as if they thought they could sneak past vampires. Jace froze when he saw the group of vampires standing there.

 

“Shit. They knew we were coming,” he said.

 

“How?” Clary asked and Simon could tell she was angry and upset.

 

“What are you doing here, nephilim?” Raphael asked, his arms crossed over his chest.

 

“We need to speak with Camille,” Izzy said and Simon knew she was going to be the one at least attempting to be reasonable.

 

“That’s not happening,” Raphael said, not moving an inch.

 

“Simon, please!” Clary begged but Simon refused to look at her.

 

“Simon is one of us,” Raphael said and Simon felt that warmth fill his chest once again. “Who will not do your bidding anymore.”

 

“Simon, it’s my mum! She basically raised you! She loves you,” Clary tried again but when Simon did look at her his eyes were filled with rage.

 

“I had a mother. You took her from me, Clary. I wasn’t mad at you, I know how desperately you want to see your mum again. Just because I wasn’t going to help you didn’t mean I didn’t want you to get her back. But all you’ve done since this whole thing started, since your birthday, maybe even before, was try to manipulate me. Not once did you think about how things might have been affecting me. You just tried to remind me of how terrible your life is. You found out you have secret magical abilities, you gained a bunch of friends, a hot boyfriend-slash-brother, and you somehow managed to be accepted by them within about a week. On top of that, both your parents are part of that world. The only person who wasn’t was me. But you took care of that, didn’t you?”

 

“Simon,” Clary said, voice quiet and filled with sadness. “I love you.”

 

“So do I,” Simon said. “I love myself, which is why I won’t let you hurt me anymore.”

 

“Did you call me hot?” Jace spoke up. Raphael turned and growled at him, fangs bared, and is if that was the signal the rest of the vampires got ready to fight too. The trio drew their weapons, although Clary seemed reluctant.

 

“Simon,” Raphael spoke and Simon’s eyes snapped to him. “Go guard Camille.” Simon saw it for what it was, an excuse for him to leave. He took it gratefully.


	4. Chapter 4

Simon could hear the fight outside but he had no idea what was happening. He stared at Camille’s casket and wondered how he hoped the fight would end. Of course he hoped that Raphael would win but he was worried about what the price of victory would be. Would he ever recover his relationship with Clary? It was seeming less and less likely.

 

He still hadn’t decided what he wanted when the door swung open. From the sound of heels on stone he knew it was Izzy. “Come on, Simon,” she said softly. “You don’t have to do this. Just tell Raphael you couldn’t stop me and we can both get what we want.”

 

Simon turned to look at her. She was gorgeous, as usual, but Simon didn’t seem to notice it as much as he usually would, or at least, it didn’t seem to matter anymore. Instead, he focused on her face and the emotions he saw flickering behind her eyes. She was sad, and he could tell that she did care about him, but there was also confidence. She was sure that he would give in to her, certain that he would step aside.

 

“Raphael!” he yelled instead, bending his knees and getting into his fighting stance in front of the casket.

 

“We don’t have time for this,” Izzy said, lashing her whip out at him, disappointment clear on her face. Simon dodged the whip but only barely. Through the open door he could see Raphael struggling to get to him being held back by Jace. Simon desperately needed to hold Izzy off until Raphael or one of the other vampires could get to him but he knew that Izzy was a stronger fighter than him. He would have to find another way.

 

“Do you know how we knew you were coming?” Simon asked her, jumping out of the way of her whip again. “Alec called me.” It was only slight but Simon caught the second if hesitation before she cracked her whip again. “He didn’t want you to make yet another mistake that would get you into trouble with the Clave. You barely survived last time, I doubt the Inquisitor would be so kind if you were to return so soon.”

 

“Some things are more important than the law,” Izzy said.

 

“But are some things more important than your family?” Simon asked. Izzy’s attacks were getting sloppy and slow and Simon could see Raphael overpowering Jace in the corner of his eye. “I know what Alec would say. That’s why he called. Because he didn’t want to lose you again.” That was it. That got her. Izzy lowered her whip and Simon could see the pain in her eyes. He relaxed his stance, straightening up. “What are you doing, Izzy?” he asked softly. There was silence in the room although the battle outside still echoed around the walls.

 

“The right thing,” she whispered, hand tightening on the whip to raise it in the air once more. Before she could attack though, Raphael appeared over her shoulder, grabbing her and flinging her into the wall, unconscious.

 

“Well done, baby,” he said with a toothy grin, but Simon could see sadness in his eyes.


	5. Chapter 5

The next morning, or evening, Simon woke up to hear angry yelling coming from the main room of the hotel. He stumbled his way down the hall until he reached the room where he saw almost every other vampire, all of whom were yelling at an annoyed looking Raphael.

 

“You can’t let them get away with it,” someone yelled.

 

“They deserve to die!” someone else called and Simon felt a shiver run down his spine as he realised who they were talking about.

 

“The Shadowhunters deserve to suffer.”

 

“You’re right,” Raphael yelled over the top of them. “The Shadowhunter’s committed a terrible crime and deserve to be punished for it, but we will leave that up to them. Simon is in contact with the oldest Lightwood boy and we will ask for retribution. But we will not start a war. Until we get our revenge, we will place a kill order on any Shadowhunter who comes within 100 feet of the hotel without permission. It’s the best we can do for now.”

 

Raphael’s words triggered a mixed reaction from the crowd, some understanding but the more violent ones were furious at the lack of bloodshed they would get to see. Raphael didn’t wait to see how they reacted though, instead walking straight out of the room and towards Simon.

 

“Baby,” he greeted warmly and Simon smiled at him. “I am sorry for what you must now go through.”

 

“What do you mean?” Simon asked confused. What did Raphael have to apologise for?

 

“”It will be difficult for you to remain friends with them now, even the redhead. When you became a vampire I didn’t want you to have to cut out your old life, but it happened anyway.”

 

“That won’t be a problem, Raphael,” Simon said. “I have more than I could ever wish for. I don’t need Clary anymore. I won’t miss her.”


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

AN: The original author has allowed me to continue their story and I have tried to stick to the original plan as much as possible.

****

A stunned look came into Raphael's eyes, "You truly mean your words?"

Simon nodded, "She stopped being the Clary I knew a long time ago, the other Shadowhunters have rubbed off on her."

He remembered when his symptoms first started calling Clary in desperation and she had actually hanged up the phone on him.

She actually admitted the big reason she brought him back as a vampire was because it would help her feel better about being a Shadowhunter.

But even after that she had ignored him, the clan nurtured him, accepted him even after everything that had happened.

Raphael had been his one constant, with time Raphael had been taking Clary's place.

Raphael smiled, "I'm glad you chose us, now we need to go to the institute Alec wants to see us.

*****

Simon and Raphael arrived and we're taken to Robert Lightwood's office, Alec and Magnus were there along with Alec's parents.

"You have our profound regret for what happened," Mr. Lightwood began.

Simon had a feeling that this was the standard Shadowhunter reply.

"My people are demanding punishment." Raphael replied, his voice hard, indicating he wouldn't settle for anything less."

"We've made sure of that," Alec said. "I've been in contact and I told them everything, not just last night but what Camille did to Simon."

"What happens now?" Raphael asked warily.

"The Clave will recognize you, Raphael Santiago as official head of the New York vampire clan, Camille will be taken by a security team to the Silent Brothers, between them and Magnus they will get Camille to reveal the location of the book of the white."

"Simon you will need to give videotape testimony to the Clave, once her time with the Silent Brothers is over she'll be taken to Idris for trial." Magnus told him.

"The verdict will definitely be a guilty one and she'll be executed." Maryse said smugly.

"And what of the Shadowhunters?" Raphael asked.

A look of disgust came over Maryse's face, "Robert and I will publicly disown Isabelle and Jace when they awaken."

Robert Lightwood's eyes held sadness but there were times the law was more important than anything. Izzy had messed up to many times.

"What about Clary?" Simon asked.

"All three of them will receive the same punishment runes as Hodge, and will be forbidden to leave the institute; they will be confined here until the war with Valentine ends." Maryse answered.

"And then the Clave will decide on any further punishment." Alec finished.

Simon looked at Raphael who looked pleased, "We have an agreement Simon and I will return to the Dumort and inform the others."

Maryse and Robert nodded, "I like to think this is a new era of cooperation between Shadowhunters and the Downworlders."

"We look forward to it." Raphael replied.

As they headed out Raphael leaned over and whispered, "I'm sure someone will record the news and punishment given to the three Shadowhunters and show it to us later."

Simon was surprised by how strangely excited that news made him feel.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

*** 

After Raphael and Simon returned to the Dumort they explained the plan to the others.

 

"The Shadowhunters always promise action but they never deliver!"

 

"We need to attack!"

 

"ENOUGH!!!" Raphael's roar made everyone quiet.

 

"Alec will help lead the punishment and it is obvious this time the shadowhunters mean what they say. We have a chance for a new era of peace; we must not let anger get in the way of it."

 

Some faces showed distaste but everyone stayed quiet some nodded their ascent.

 

*** 

The next day Alec and Magnus came with the video feed and some members of the Clave security.

 

Raphael led them to the basement as Simon watched the vid screen.

 

The inquisitor approached the forcefield where Jace, Clary, and Isabelle were being held.

 

"What do any of you have to say in your own defense?"

 

Clary spoke first, "This is all my fault please punish me and let the others go."

 

"We're grown-ups I chose to go along I felt if the vampires didn't cooperate we'd have to use force to let her out." Jace said.

 

Inquisitor Henrondale sneered, "Let Camille, another criminal out into the shadow world just like Valentine?"

 

She looked at Isabelle, "We meet again?" She then looked at Magnus, "Do you plan to defend her this time?"

 

"Absolutely not," Magnus replied.

 

She looked at Alec, "Do you have anything to say Mr. Lightwood?"

 

Alec looked sadly at Izzy, "I will always feel love for you but you went too far willing to destroy all stability in the shadow world, as of now you are no longer my sister."

 

Izzy sank to her knees, she had already been disowned by her parents but Simon knew this was the blow that would cripple her.

 

"Alec," Tears poured down her face but he looked away.

 

Alec looked at Jace, "You are no longer my brother and parabatai, the Clave has granted my request to dissolve our bond."

 

Jace's face looked shocked, "You can't..."

 

Alec's voice grew hard, "You destroyed our bond the moment you broke the rules to help Clary over and over again."

 

Alec began to walk away and then briefly turned around, "I made my choices just like you made yours."

****

The video screen went blank and Simon looked at Magnus, "How is Alec doing?"

 

"Hurting but he is a strong one."

 

They looked at Camille's coffin being taken away, hopefully they could get an answer to wake Jocelyn and Camille would soon be executed.

****

Over the next few days rogue vampires attacked shadowhunters out on patrol, thankfully there were no deaths.

 

Raphael quickly sent messages to Alec and the Clave assuring them that the clan was still their allies.

 

The rogue vampires were quickly turned over to the Clave.

 

Raphael was amazing, great at being a diplomat and a mentor to Simon.

 

Simon knew he was in love with Raphael; it was what kept him loyal to the clan.

 

Raphael was right; it was a new era all around.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

****

One week had passed and things had quieted down, the Clave has made Alec the new full time head of the shadowhunters institute.

 

His parents were ordered to Idris.

 

Lydia had recovered from her attack by Hodge when he had attempted to steal the mortal cup. Fortunately he didn't know some bodyguards of some Clave members were nearby and stopped him.

 

Alec and Magnus held strong affection for her and Alec had offered to make Lydia his co-head of the institute and she had eagerly agreed.

 

Simon was surprised to see Alec come in, "No one was expecting you."

 

"I didn't think I'd be coming here today either."

 

"So what has brought you here?" Raphael asked as he walked in.

 

"The silent brothers have broken Camille," Magnus said as he joined Alec.

 

"And?" Simon and Raphael both said it at the same time and then gave each other a little smirk.

 

"She had it in her penthouse at the river, we found the book one hour ago, and we’ll soon make the attempt to awaken Jocelyn."

 

"And Camille?" Raphael asked.

 

"Should already be in Idris although I don't think there will be much fight left in her." Alec replied.

 

Simon leaned against Raphael, "It's over."

 

He gave Simon a brief embrace, "Yes it is."

 

"There's more," Alec broke in, "The Clave wants a new peace treaty signed, saying the accords are no more, everyone shall be equal. Also anyone who commits a crime will go before a council made up of members of all clans."

 

"Never thought I'd see such changes," Raphael said in amazement.

 

"Neither would I," Magnus told him. "It will be magically sealed by me; contracts with magic can't be broken, even by the Clave."

 

"We must celebrate," Raphael told them, a wide grin making him even more handsome.

 

After Raphael had left the room with Alec to finalize some details, Magnus turned to Simon.

 

"Why haven't you told Raphael your feelings? I've lived a long time, I know emotion and love."

 

"I just haven't..."

 

"I know he feels the same Simon."

 

"After things calm down I'll tell him."

 

Magnus grinned, "I like your style."

 

****  
One week later the verdict came in, Camille was guilty on all counts and executed by being shackled in a cell with the sun pouring in.

 

Later that day Magnus went to the institute and awoke Jocelyn.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter9

****

It was the day of the treaty and representatives of all the clans were there.

 

Simon embraced Luke and stood with the other vampires.

 

Soon the document was signed and sealed and a cheer went up for such a historic day.

 

Lydia approached Simon, "Jocelyn would like to see you, I told her I'd ask you and told her only if you agreed to it."

 

"I do want to see her as long as any of the certain three aren't there."

 

"They won't be, they've been lying low since their fall from grace, The Clave will decide on a final punishment after Valentine is gone."

****

Simon watched as Lydia knocked on a room door, it soon opened and Jocelyn stood there. She looked exhausted but well.

 

"Simon!" She quickly embraced him.

 

They walked into the room but the door stayed open with Lydia outside.

 

"I used to dream of reuniting with you when you had awoken," Simon admitted honestly.

 

Jocelyn's face fell, "Clary told me everything, she truly is sorry, she knows she mishandled everything. She truly cares for you."

 

"A small part of me will always care for her as well, but her apologizes are too little too late."

 

"Everything is such a mess," Jocelyn said sadly.

 

Simon said nothing; things looked pretty together to him.

****

Three months later came the news the shadow world had been waiting for.

 

Valentine had gotten hold of an old spell book and tried to use it to control some demons. They had turned on him and killed him with a massive dose of venom.

 

The Clave ran every test to make sure it really was him, and then they burnt the body.

 

Anyone who was a member of the circle would be executed once they were caught.

 

Jocelyn was granted a pardon for her actions in hiding the cup.

 

And now it was time to decide once and for all what to do about Clary, Jace, and Isabelle.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter10

***  
Three weeks later

 

Simon stood outside Clary and Jocelyn's loft, at one time it had been a second home to him, but that now felt like a hundred years ago.

 

The Clave's final punishment had been harsh, Clary, Jace, and Isabelle, had been stripped of all their runes and exiled from the shadow world.

 

Clary of course knew how to live as a mundane, but Simon was sure Jace and Izzy would have a tougher time.

 

Not that he cared, his loyalty was to Raphael and their clan, also Alec, Magnus, and Lydia.

 

On Idris there were also big changes; downworlders were now allowed on a newly formed council.

 

Magnus has been asked to join but had chosen to stay near Alec.

 

****

Time to get this over with, Simon came back to the present and rang the doorbell.

 

Soon the door came open and Clary stood there looking tired and drawn, circles under her bloodshot eyes.

 

"Simon?"

 

"I came to talk if we can."

 

Clary allowed him in, "You want anything?"

 

"No thank you, so where are the other two?"

 

Bitterness came to her eyes and face, "How should I know? After the first week they said they were going to make their own way, they couldn't bear to look at me any longer."

 

Clary began to pace, "They hate me and frankly I don't blame them, Thanks to me they lost everything they've ever known."

 

She pointed to the circle rune on her neck, "I'm stuck with my own version of the scarlet letter, my mother loves me so much she chose exile from the shadowhunters to be with me."

 

A tear slid down Clary's face, "But I know some days she and Luke have a tough time looking at me."

 

"They'll always love you," Simon told her.

 

"I never meant to become arrogant, I just wanted my mother, I was obsessed with doing anything I could to achieve it, I lost sight of the big picture."

 

Clary grasped his hands, "I never meant for everything to spiral out of control, I swear I never thought I was better than you."

 

Simon took his hands away, "You're too late, Clary, I understand why you had me turned and I have forgiven you, but I can never be friends with you again."

 

"Simon," Tears started to pour down her face, "We can work on it, if we both just try..."

 

"No Clary it's the way it needs to be, if you ever come near the hotel Dumort you will be killed on site."

 

He started to the door but turned back one final time, "Farewell Clary Fray."

 

He used his vampire speed to leave not hearing the screams and sobs of a broken woman.

****

Simon arrived home to find Raphael in his bedroom. "I really need to talk to you Raphael."

 

Raphael looked up from his book affection on his face. "Very well what..."

 

He was cut off as Simon grabbed him by his shirt collar and kissed him.

 

Raphael embraced him and kissed him back, their tongues dueling with each other.

 

Finally they pulled apart looking into each other's eyes.

 

"I love you Raphael Santiago."

 

"I love you Simon Lewis, mi sol naciente, my rising sun.


	11. Author Questions

My muse is playing nice and I'm considering writing little one shots of Simon and Raphael in this universe of their lives together.

 

My questions should I have Simon say he's pansexual?

 

Should I have Raphael be asexual like on the show or since this fic has already diverged from canon ignore that part. I read some asexuals can feel sexual desire so I can still have them be intimate so I really don't know which way to go

 

Any one shot ideas that you have

 

Any help would be appreciated :)

**Author's Note:**

> Check me out on [tumblr](http://u-know-u-luv-me.tumblr.com/), and check my [writing](http://madoulgeris.weebly.com/) [blogs](http://fairytalesoftheworld.weebly.com/).


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